light

 

It’s the middle of the night

And I’m here trying to shake the darkness away

Trying to feel more or feel less –

Depending on the moment

Trying to keep my darkness at bay

 

Then, you ask me if I’ll face your darkness too.

 

You need someone to stay alive with you – just til the sun rises –

To pray you’ll see the darkness turn to day

How can I pray for you when I find it hard to pray for me?

You honor me with your trust,

But you frighten me with your pain

 

Numbness isn’t contagious but pain is.

 

I’m huddled in the corner trying to fight

Trying to fix what I feel

Counting the seconds to the end of the night

Entertaining lies I’d never believe

If the blinds were split by morning light

 

I’ve never felt so self-centered in my life.

 

You need me,

And you want me

So I reach back –

You touch my darkness with your darkness,

And I touch your darkness with my light

 

Here you are, reminding me that I am human.

 

Your darkness is deeper;

Mine is shallow

You have been ripped apart;

I rip my own heart apart

And hide the pieces so no one can help me put them back together

 

Don’t tell me this but I’m beginning to suspect some part of me likes being sad.

 

My darkness is some unrecognizable shade of gray

Sometimes I am numb,

And sometimes I feel nothing so deep I hyperventilate,

And I’m not saying those things are okay

But I still have light to spare

 

I am human and you are human and our pain is what we have in common.

 

Even in the worst times,

I have light to share

So I tuck my darkness away, and I pull out my spare bits of light

And I know this isn’t the time to ask questions

This is the time to wrap you up in the light and tuck you into safety

 

I’ll stay here until you tell me to go and even then I’ll stay a little while longer.

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