It’s the middle of the night
And I’m here trying to shake the darkness away
Trying to feel more or feel less –
Depending on the moment
Trying to keep my darkness at bay
Then, you ask me if I’ll face your darkness too.
You need someone to stay alive with you – just til the sun rises –
To pray you’ll see the darkness turn to day
How can I pray for you when I find it hard to pray for me?
You honor me with your trust,
But you frighten me with your pain
Numbness isn’t contagious but pain is.
I’m huddled in the corner trying to fight
Trying to fix what I feel
Counting the seconds to the end of the night
Entertaining lies I’d never believe
If the blinds were split by morning light
I’ve never felt so self-centered in my life.
You need me,
And you want me
So I reach back –
You touch my darkness with your darkness,
And I touch your darkness with my light
Here you are, reminding me that I am human.
Your darkness is deeper;
Mine is shallow
You have been ripped apart;
I rip my own heart apart
And hide the pieces so no one can help me put them back together
Don’t tell me this but I’m beginning to suspect some part of me likes being sad.
My darkness is some unrecognizable shade of gray
Sometimes I am numb,
And sometimes I feel nothing so deep I hyperventilate,
And I’m not saying those things are okay
But I still have light to spare
I am human and you are human and our pain is what we have in common.
Even in the worst times,
I have light to share
So I tuck my darkness away, and I pull out my spare bits of light
And I know this isn’t the time to ask questions
This is the time to wrap you up in the light and tuck you into safety
I’ll stay here until you tell me to go and even then I’ll stay a little while longer.