awed

awed

 

I am in awe of You

Enthralled by You

Fascinated by You

Undeserving of a moment of You

 

Out of all the things You could’ve made –

You picked me to make?

You picked me to create?

You picked me.

 

You fashioned me, carefully

Every inch of the space inside my brain

You designed me, gracefully

Every bit of me pointing back to You

 

You took your time with me –

Making sure You added all the things I’d need

My intricacies, my eccentricities… my flaws, too

Can there be a flaw in a piece designed by You?

 

You hang onto my every word

But I should be hanging onto Yours

I spend days seeking the sound of You

Then I hear You whisper, “I want to know YOU more”

 

Your attention stuns me

“I am the artist and you are my magnum opus”

Your intention stuns me into silence

I am the artist, trying to capture a tiny inch of Your glory and reflect it onto my scraps of blood and bone and paper

 

I am in awe of You

I am in awe of every moment spent with You

In awe of the time and space You give me, selflessly

In awe of the notion that You are a little in awe of me too

9.14.18

i’ve been getting up early

looking for God in the morning mist

when the world is emptier, easier

 

I thought He’d hear my prayers more clearly

than at 3 am when they’re more cries than prayers

 

raspy whispers chasing the moon toward its setting

 

 

i’ve been getting up earlier than is easy

trying to decipher the messages You left for me

disconnecting Your voice from my desires

 

i heard it’s easier now than at 3 am

when my prayers are too desperate for any answer to be enough

 

the sun chasing me toward my rising

His Love for You is Constant.

His Love for You is Constant.

The last couple weeks have been a struggle.

There’s a lot of things in my life that don’t make sense right now… things I need to give up, things I’m stressing out over (may have gone on 3 or more runs yesterday, hahaha hi, ‘sup anxiety), things that are keeping me from peace and happiness and contentment. But there’s also so much GOOD in my life right now that I can’t complain.

Recently I’ve been struggling to find peace even though it’s been spoken over my life repeatedly over the past few weeks, and I think this is going to be a year of peace, for me. I’m beginning to see it’s because I’m looking for peace in the wrong places.

Yesterday I had a revelation. Well, really, a reminder. Because I ALREADY KNOW THIS. Somehow I let myself forget, but I already know this.

I don’t have to search for peace.

I don’t have to worry about making the “right decision.”

Because no matter what, no matter if I’m heartbroken or on cloud 9 tomorrow, HE WILL STILL BE THE SAME GOD. He will still be constant. Consistent. No matter what happens today, I’ll still be able to have the same mini worship sets in my car, United Pursuit pouring from my speakers, my steering wheel a mini drum kit. No matter what happens tomorrow, His words will still ring true. His promises to me will. Still. Ring. True!

It’s an amazing feeling to have that realization hit you again. It’s an amazing thing to lean on. The God I love today will still be there tomorrow, will still be so deserving of every ounce of love I can muster.

Walking in a lack of peace and an overabundance of fear and uncertainty is like a slap in the face to the God who knows my steps and who I say I allow to lead those steps. If I’m truly walking hand in hand with Him, every step I take should be in total faith. Every step I take should be without trepidation or fear of the future. I mean, the Bible says He won’t even let my foot slip. He’s watching over me and protecting me that closely.

In the last couple days, a shift has occurred in my thinking. It’s been the most beautiful shift, and one I hope continues. I’ve been leaning on his faithfulness and consistency, and it’s the most beautiful and soothing place to rest.

When I rest in the fact that He loves me and wants good things – the best things – for me, it’s not so hard to let go of the things I want for myself.

 

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

More Peace

More Peace

Last year was a lesson in grace for me.

So many times my patience was tested in ways it rarely had been before. Honestly, I think I actually learned how to show grace in a way I’d never had to push myself to do. In that way, I became more like Jesus. I learned that even if I am right, I don’t always have to make sure other people know that. I learned that I am called to treat people with kindness even when they don’t deserve it, and I learned that often the people I’m meant to show grace to are the people I’d most like to push off a cliff.

Yes, I’m sure the next time I need to be the bigger person, it’ll still be hard. I might need to learn about grace all over again. But, I am proud of the way I acted in 2016. I am proud of the way I was able to learn to love others in the same way Jesus loves them-an unearned, undeserved love.

What has God been showing me this year?

Well, we’re one month in, so of course He’s been teaching me something new.

One: peace.

Peace in a world that is anything but peaceful. I’m learning to trust in Him and find Peace, even when I don’t feel it. Even when I’d never feel it on my own.

The other day, during a time of worship, (the Holy Spirit nudged) a friend, and he spoke the words “peace and trust” over me. It was very much one of those words that could relate to many situations or anyone, but I had to laugh because peace was exactly what I was crying out to the Lord for in that moment. Tears streamed down my face (and I felt ridiculous, but I let them fall).

As we finished the song, I felt the Lord speaking to me: As your TRUST grows, peace will come. In that moment, I realized I hadn’t been asking for enough. I was asking for peace, but peace and trust go hand in hand.

The more I trust Him, the more I am filled with His peace. The more I trust Him, the more I refuse to give up.

Two: more.

This word has been floating around in my head the past few days. The other night I was free-writing in my journal and it seemed like it was all I could think of. More. More peace more trust more peace more trust more grace more love more understanding more wisdom more forgiveness more of You, God. That’s what I want this year to hold.

That’s what I know this year will hold.

No matter where I am by January 1, 2018, even if it’s somewhere I never thought I’d be (and it usually is), I want to look back and say that I gained more of Him. I want to look back and say my trust has grown in leaps and bounds. I want to be walking in a deeper and more perfect peace than I thought possible.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. (Colossians 3:15)

 

xoxo,

Carrie