processing

My mind has been clear – clearer than before. My thoughts have been coming fast – faster than before. It’s inspiring how much you can take in from this cold, cold, world, and how much you can put out into the cold, cold, world to make it slightly warmer, if you just allow your mind to be quiet.

I’m sitting on an eastbound train, and I’m thinking about the process. How do I start a poem, how do I write a song, how do I get ideas for stories and books that one day, might be good enough for people to buy them with real money?

Often, a line will pop into my head at the most ordinary time. I’m at Whole Foods getting a little too up close and personal with the cheeses, or I’m at my desk at work getting a quote together, or, most often, I’m driving home late at night, when it pops into my head.

Then I have to decide how I want to use it. Do I want to build a poem around it? Or do I want to insert it into my current fiction project? Or do I want it to be just a line in my notes app?

The process of writing a poem is different every time, just as the inspiration is different every time.

The other night I was supernaturally healed of back pain! It was awesome. It felt almost… too easy. It felt like God truly cared about me – remembered not to forget me.

The doubts in my mind began even as thankfulness poured out of my mouth. The next morning I woke up, and I felt pain again. Not as much as I had been experiencing in days prior, but more than I felt the night before. I felt all of it leave my body. I felt it slipping up and out, in a matter of seconds!

I spent the morning grappling with God, asking questions like: “Why was I healed last night, but not now?” and saying things like: “I still trust you. What I feel now doesn’t negate what I felt last night.”

A phrase, “if I were You, I would’ve given up on me by now,” popped into my head. If I were Him, I’d be frustrated by my lack of faith. I’d have moved on by now. But He doesn’t and He won’t. Coming out of a season of the big D’s (Doubt & Depression) He’s as kind, as present, as much a Healer, as He’d be if I were coming out of a season of Peace & Praise.

This is the current progress of that one line. I might end up throwing everything away but that one line, or I might end up not even using that line. Who knows?

I’m processing; give me just a minute.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s