is it more frightening that no one has ever fully known me,
or that I can never fully know another person?
is it more frightening that no one has ever fully known me,
or that no one has ever fully tried?
is it more frightening that no one has ever fully known me,
or that I don’t fully know myself?
is it more frightening or exciting?
(Photos are from Cy Twombly’s Fifty Days at Iliam, currently at Philadelphia Museum of Art. Specifically from the painting, Achaeans in Battle.)
The winter wind mounts its attack
Chilling me from the outside in
Some days I wonder to myself
“How much am I just like this wind?”
Fall and spring are my favorite winds
They sing melodies of newness and change
I want to hear myself in them
But I’ve been told I don’t have their range.
The summer wind is soft and sweet
I miss it before it before it has even gone
A welcome escape from the blistering heat
It’s refreshing in ways I think I could be.
(Photo is from Cy Twombly’s Fifty Days at Iliam, currently at Philadelphia Museum of Art. Center painting is Shades of Achilles, Patroclus, and Hector. I highly recommend going to see this exhibit.)
i will make you my most prized possession
if i can be yours
i will hide you away
if you will hide me away, too
i will open the world up to you,
and you to the world
it’s such a pretty world when you’re in it
i don’t want to be in this world anymore
this is not a cry for help or some suicidal elegy
it’s quiet here and i’m too tired to think
about why i can’t sleep in the evening
…
or is it because i can’t sleep in the evening
i don’t know how to live in this world anymore
i should probably have started with that
but maybe i wanted the shock factor…
or maybe that was just the simple truth…
or maybe…
my thoughts are muddled and my words come out too quickly
when i start to be okay i wake to another day that i need to be me
i can never remember when i fell asleep but i know i don’t sleep as much as the experts or your grandma recommend
how is she by the way?
…
the sun rises and i burrow deeper
away from and into this darkness
the sun rises, reminding me how unprepared i am for any kind of news
good or bad
old or new
i am more prepared to face anyone else’s pain than i am to face mine
my mind is the most powerful numbing agent i’ve found
i feel your problems consuming mine, cutting right through
your tears cut through my hollow bones like acid rain
…
i should’ve brought an umbrella
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