It’s the middle of the night
And I’m here trying to shake the darkness away
Trying to feel more or feel less, depending on the moment.
You reach out,
And you ask if I’ll face your darkness too.
I must have forgotten to tell you I face the night alone.
You need someone to stay alive with you – just til the sun rises –
To pray you’ll see the darkness turn to day.
How can I pray for you when I find it hard to pray for me?
You honor me with your trust,
But you frighten me with your pain.
Numbness isn’t contagious but pain is.
I’m huddled in the corner trying to fight,
Trying to fix what I feel
Entertaining lies I’d never believe
If morning light were streaming through the blinds
But here you are, reminding me that I am human.
I’ve never felt so self-centered in my life.
You need me,
And you want me.
So I reach back –
You touch my darkness with your darkness,
And I touch your darkness with my light.
One is just the absence of the other, you know.
Your darkness is deeper;
Mine is shallow.
You have been ripped apart;
I rip my own heart apart
And hide the pieces underneath my bed.
Don’t tell me this but I’m beginning to suspect some part of me likes being sad.
My darkness is closer to gray than black.
Sometimes I am numb,
And sometimes I feel nothing so deep I hyperventilate,
And I’m not saying those things are okay.
But I still have light to spare.
I am human and you are human and our pain is what we have in common.
Even in the worst times,
I have light to share.
So I tuck my darkness away, and I pull out my spare bits of light.
And I know this isn’t the time to ask questions;
This is the time to wrap you up in the light and tuck you into safety.
I’ll stay here until you tell me to go and even then I’ll stay a little while longer.